Анекдоты и шутки на английскомThe man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push."Not a chance!" says the husband. "It's three o'clock in the morning!"He slams the door and returns to bed."Who was that?" asked his wife."Just some drunk guy asking for a push." he answers."Did you help him?" she asks."No, I did not! It's three in the morning and it's pouring out!""Well, you have a short memory." says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself!"The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?""Yes." comes back the answer."Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband."Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark."Where are you?" asks the husband."Over here, on the swing."
A border control officer catches them and says, "Papers."The Mexican replied, "Scissors."The border control officer replied,"Dammit! Well, you're free to go!"
My Grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology!"I replied, "No, your generation relies too much on technology!" Then I unplugged his life support
Cop: Sir, do you know it's illegal to have drugs in your possession?Bob: I'm sorry officer, but it's not my fault. I've tried numerous times to get rid of the drugs, but every time I flush them down the toilet, they always reappear in my pocket.Cop: Ha, very funny. proceeds to place Bob under arrestBob: No, I'm serious! Let me show you and if I'm lying, you can arrest me on the spot.The cop gives in, and the two of them walk into a gas station bathroom. Bob flushes the drugs down the toilet. The cop then begins to search Bob's pockets, finding nothing.Cop: What the hell?? I thought you said when you flush the drugs that they always reappear in your pocket?Bob: Drugs? What drugs?
I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid.But I can stop whenever I want.
